Why I am a brain damaged god

Because a god should not fuck her prophet. Because I believe
In abiogenesis more than I believe in myself. Because I had
Gore in my fingernails while I cried on the bathroom floor, and you
Rocked me to sick Heldigare's lullaby as the nearby bathtub
Filled with the blood of my enemies.

And I said, with my hair stuck black to the floor, drool
Wet on the back of my hand,

You must love me more than you love yourself.
You must love me more than you love yourself.
You must love me more than you love yourself.

You began to scream when you tried to clean off
All the blood. You said, maybe they're right to call
You a monster, savage child, Kali disease. I stood
In the backyard in a bathrobe where the hawks land
On my shoulders, the snakes writhe and fall dead
Into the pool. I said, if I cannot make you happy,
How do you expect me to save this world like
They wrote in their books, turn their houses into
Ash and the fields to gold. A god should not
Fuck her prophet.

And in this wasteland you are by my side when
I put the mask over my head, when I slaughter
Everyone I hate on this altar of bones and ring
My mouth with blood. Maybe I am a monster.
Didn't you know this was all for you. They convulse
With their heads against the bones, their fingers purple
And mouths stained. I will save you from your sins,
I said, holding you close enough to crush your ribs,
But you know,

You must love me more than you love yourself.
You must love me more than you love yourself.
You must love me more than you love yourself.

And across the woods where the sun plunges
Down heavy in the trees you help me bury
The bodies. Your fingers are shaking. I said,
I don't know who I am anymore without you.
You can't touch the bodies with your bare hands.
Their heads are falling apart in my arms. You
Don't really believe I'm a monster, do you, I asked,
You don't really believe that. You looked back
Through the trees at me, where I stood with two
Red hands, with a bruised stuck struck head, and you said,
You are what you want to be.

You are what you want to be.